Life with CP

A family's story living with cerebral palsy in Chicago

Life with CP - A family's story living with cerebral palsy in Chicago

Welcome to Holland

Welcome To Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley

©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved. Article printed with permission of the author.


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.


*     *     *

    I just love this poem and I think it so accurately portrays the feelings of my family and many others who have disabled children.

  I was just discussing with a friend of mine, the thought of having another child.  We (actually, I) have been delaying having another one until Jacob learns to walk on his own, or can manipulate his walker.  But, I am not getting any younger. 

 I struggle with three ideas-

1. Will I be doing an injustice to Jacob by having another child? Will I be able to spend enough time on BOTH children?

2. I struggle physically with Jacob- he is aleady 35 pounds and is 2 and 1/2.   Will I be able to carry the two children around?

3. How would we manage if our next child is also disabled?

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  • Beth Smyk says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this short story – I passed it on to my ECI case workers and PT. I am planning on sharing it with a lot of me. It really is a good way to put things in perspective. I have two beautiful daughters, the youngest whom has extremely mild cp but the feelings are still there.

    October 15, 2008 at 8:22 am

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